Some of the people whom I have met have re instilled me with faith in our species as one which perhaps has the possibility of escaping it's violent roots and becoming more than the sum of it's parts. By this I mean that I generally feel that our species should have been cleansed off this planet long ago if only to prevent the horror we have wrought in our history. It is a terrifying thought that in all of human history the only field of study which has been consistently developed has been that of warfare.
However these thoughts were extinguished when I went to here and saw two hundred or so people whom had never met each other before become a fully functioning group who cared for those people whom a race which I described earlier would have cast away. Those who due to no fault of their own cannot function on their own. This sight I will be honest shocked me, I believe it is what roused me from my apathy and facilitated my growth as a human being.
This growth has in fact evolved since last we spoke my friends, it has progressed to another aspect of my lost humanity returning to me. That is to say the humanity I feel I lost due to the unpleasantness of last October. I was able not only to connect on an emotional level with someone over an incredibly short period of time. Which is a feat you all well know is generally beyond me. This emotional connection was odd it arose from almost no where. The amazing part was unlike a lot of the time these feelings were reciprocated. This was naturally a huge surprise as I am not generally the type of person whom people develop those types of feelings for. None the less I believe she has helped me become more human again as was able to feel happy for the first time in a long while. Or rather the first time that summer.
Now this may be because the lady in question is like looking in a mirror well apart from that this mirror makes one beautiful and the opposite gender. Yet the point remains she made me feel happy and content. Just by her very presence did I feel at peace with myself. The normal constant internal turmoil I feel was abated. I confess this effect somewhat scared me. After all there is one other who had that effect on me and she utterly destroyed me. However I quieted my fear as I believed that if I was going to let my fear of being hurt again let me be hurt then what use is it? This led to something of a whirlwind romance, one which although not necessarily intimate on a physical level it was so incredibly profound on an emotional level that within the space of two weeks or so. I am certain I have fallen in love with this lady.
Therein lay the problem as she is an American and I as you all well know am British. Thus although it is true she makes me happier than I have been in a long time there is no real way in which for us to be together. Hence some of you may have heard of this allready but I am currently switching between quite happy and quite upset. Indeed I apologise for burdening you all with this hell I apologise for this post being a bit of a "oo look at me I made loads of friends and miss them boohoo look at me" kinda thing at the moment. I promise it will be back to business as soon as possible. I.E. pretentious twaddle.
This is something of a way so as to rationalise a lot of thoughts which are currently running through my mind, however there is a point to it. All of these positives which I have listed are just cement for me to return to Loyaltown next summer. I don't know how I am going to get to that point from where I am now but damn it I know for certain that you will be along for the ride.
As always my friends lets face that big wide world with an open mind and as always put forward optimism despite what our logic might tell us. After all when the Ultimate answer to Life the Universe and Everything is 42 what place does logic have?
No comments:
Post a Comment