Indeed I have been pondering something's recently, it came to me while leaving to eat dinner earlier in this week. Most would describe what I experienced as something of an existentialist crises, that is to say that I was plagued by the inescapable feeling of wonder about who I am and what I am becoming. Now I have questioned who I am in the past yet this time the feeling was more raw, more primal. I found myself questioning the very nature of the person I am. Through this I progressed into thoughts of what shaped me into acting the way I do. Which brought me to a strange conclusion, I cannot think of the time when I changed from the border line spoilt brat I was when younger to the person I am now.
Naturally I don't consider myself to be a particularly "good" person, but I think I am at least more considerate to other's needs and wants but the major issue I found myself facing was Why? Why am I this way? Of this I was unable to create any firm positions from which to stand. I concluded that the only reason I am opposed to injustices against minorities is that were I in said position I wouldn't want such treatment. This makes me wonder: My words and actions are generally regarded as being moralistic. But am I? Thus the question becomes is it intent that denotes the worth of a person or is it purely their actions? Therefore I was forced to ask myself: am I in fact still that selfish coward of yesteryear only expressing such cowardice in another form? I would like to think not but then again I am never sure, as I say the point remains on definition of what it is to be good. However despite this somewhat unnerving train of thought was interrupted my another. I began to consider my effect on others. Herein led me to an alternative reason of my motivations. Perhaps I don't act in such a way because I don't want to have it happen to me. But instead because I know and care about people who have suffered in life through one way or another. Which leads me to believe that rebel against people treating each other poorly because I have seen pain being wrought on those I care about and I wouldn't want anyone else to suffer so.
This quite demonstrably was a somewhat disconcerting way in which to think. Yet in some fashion I am pleased to have it. If I am unable to recognise my faults in such a way how else would I attempt to consider things from an alternative point of view? However despite the abruptness and mild concern I gained through this flash of insight. I am going to attempt to consider it in a positive manner as I none the less was able to come up with something of an answer to the question of who I am. I don't know who I am, but I don't think who I will end up being will be too bad.
Thus I bid you farewell dear friends. Till we next speak
Au revoir
