Contemplation

I find myself wondering about alot of things alot of the time. First among these is the nature of ones self. It has come to my attention lately through the report of several close friends that i may be too serious. Now this is highly likely it leads me to wonder: how can these people feel I am too serious they don't know the real me. Indeed i don't think anyone does I am always wearing an emotional mask of some form. Yet in all fairness can any one person ever truly claim to be utterly honest about all things to everyone at all points in time? I doubt it I will be the first to comment i distrust the work of Freud yet the concept of balancing oneself to fit in with social boundaries. Most of the time on a personal note i feel that these masks are in essence myself yet not the entirety of my soul. I will admit this is a recent development as to be honest until roughly eight months ago i was barely certain of who i was. Oddly although those who knew me at that point in my life might argue that the cause of this confusion was a terrible thing. I feel no resentment for that part of my life. Indeed i still maintain that parts of it were the happiest i have ever felt. This period is another reason in which i am often confused because allthough the months leading up till october were probably the worst in my short existence on earth. I don't know whether i would want to go back to that time. Heck those thoughts alone fill me with terror. This is because logically one would not assume it was a healthy way in which to feel i.e. going back to the mindset i was in. (If you are curious as to that mindset. Please ask in a private method of communication.) Returning to my original point though would be that despite my current reemergence of my depression. I am pleased with various aspects of my life. Mostly though my recent realisation that i can be social. Although as stated above i am abit of a dull social person. This is related to the masks we wear (see i can retain purpose :-P) as i feel that within social situations we go through an odd scenario of putting up every mask we own and then slowly removing them. Wouldn't life be easier then if we actually were able to do away with these masks? Are the existentialists correct? Should we just abandon social conformity and act as we wish? These are questions which plague me. I hope by sharing these concerns i am acting in a way in which to remove some of my own masks. Adieu.

A musing

I noticed something today as i was walking home. It's something i often notice. The aesthetics of the natural world. Now i know some may think i mean things like amazing point's of view i.e. Everest etc But i don't. If you just spend one moment looking Truly looking at a natural occurence I would posit that you will see beauty. This may not be the case for others but it's certainly true for me. On the note of things i feel cause wonderment, the Stars. Have you ever just lay down on a clear night and gazed into heavens? This sight always fills me with amazement, to gaze into almost one percent of the universe and still be dwarfed by it's size. This might be an odd reaction but I am filled with gladness. Those who know me will likely know i have several metaphorical demons i wrestle with almost constantly. However when i am able to perceive the enormity of creation and consider how utterly insignificant life on our fair and wonderous planet is all i can think is "Fuck it why am i so concerned?" Again this view appears pessimistic however it gives me an existential hope as if earth is so small and so insignificant then i should just live to make myself happy and screw other shit. Well i seem to have rambled on for a pretty long time so i shall bid you fair readers adieu and good night.

An intro

Hello there interwebs. This is "Optimism in the face of Overriding Nihilism". A blog which will hopefully detail some of my thoughts on various matter's which occur within my life. Firstly the name well as those who know me will know i am a Nihilist. This in it's most basic form mean's that i beleive that there is no inherent Morality or Purpose to existence. Now i am sure you are thinking "My god this guys a depressing Loon." That may be so however i also happen to be an opptimist. Which is a far more common term in to describe someone whom happens to beleive that there can be an upside to all occurences. This viewpoint is peculiar and it's often difficult to balence so i shall hopefully have some thoughts to point out on regular occasions. Now to the second star on the right and straight on till morning!