Some thoughts

It occurred to me today, I depart within two weeks. Indeed this time in a fortnight I shall be in an airplane, as you all most likely know I am heading to the United States of America this summer in order to be a lifeguard in a summer camp. However some of you might not know that although I am incredibly happy and fortunate to be able to go. I still feel some regret, after all as I have commented in the past you all have only entered my life recently, I therefore am somewhat disheartened to have to so abruptly leave your company pretty much forever. 

Therefore I shall go so far as to say my emotions are bittersweet. (my gosh I didn't think I would ever use that term) None the less once again I shall say, despite it now being painful to leave, I wouldn't trade that pain for the loss of you all. You all are the fuel for my optimism which i stuff into the face of that overriding nihilism. (Oh wow look we have a title) Thus you may not consider me while you follow the path of your life this summer. Please know I am going to be thinking of you. 

I actually have been thinking about nihilism recently. I have realised me and nihilism have an odd relationship, somewhat of a paradox some would say. As nihilism excites me in ways which I don't feel in any other means. That is nihilism is one of the few things I am truly passionate about. However when I take it to it's logical conclusions, it just makes me feel incredibly low. Which i suppose makes sense heck nihilism is a worrying concept, especially some of the ways in which one might act in a morally nihilistic world. In essecence it's why I relie so heavily on you all. You who disagree with me when I become obsessed with the concept of an oblibvion as an after life. You who remind me that there is some light left in the world. 

So dear friends my thanks. 

Please don't stop being the optimism to my nihlism.

Humanity.

Oh humanity how I love you. Yes I know that might sound odd from me dear friends, but it's true. I do indeed secretly harbour a deep and practically unshakable faith in the human condition. This is a faith which often I feel is not present in a lot of modern society. I feel that the current mindset is to be essentially a stoic and disregard human suffering. I can understand this policy indeed it is one which I used to ascribe to.

I will comment however that due to one chance encounter my whole view changed. I was able to witness one small and important act of kindness. This kindness which changed my personal view isn't really important. The main part is that two people whom at the time didn't know me that well basically stopped me from doing something utterly stupid. 

However this faith was reaffirmed this evening, on two fronts. Firstly a relativly new friend, indeed someone whom I have known well since easter. Although we have only really spoke within the past month and a half. None the less, this evening due to various events I found myself entertaining very dark thoughts. Yet despite not truly knowing that about me indeed I am not certain if she knows the depth of my dark thoughts (although i suspect she does.) I was struck that despite these things she cared not for me discussing them in a way in which was less than clear. She none the less allowed me to vent. This kindness to me is one of the most touching ways in which two people can interact. After all there was no logical reason she should take my problems upon herself. 

This is a problem I have wrestled with in the past. Because I will be honest I have something of a hero complex, as in I tend to take upon others problems. Yet it's something I do not understand in other people. However none the less it's not something I regret witnessing. It is one of the deepest and purest examples of human good will I have ever seen. Indeed I am seeing it more and more regularily as I expose myself to the world, it renews my faith that this world can indeed be saved. 

The second occurence this evening was the very same friend posted a link upon Facebook. This link was to this site, a site dedicated to celebrating stories of human deceny and general facets of life which bring joy to peoples hearts. Some of the stories on this site caused me to cry. Now dear friends I am sure you already know this isn't a major feat, heck I am in fact quite the emotional person in general. Yet this brought me to tears twice. Which is a much more difficult thing than just to get me crying. Therefore I cannot recommend this site enough. In particular if you are feeling disenchanted with the world as I was. 

To sum up, I do beleive that we as a species are able to progress past our base urges and save this dying world. Till next time fellow wanderer's