A slight change in schedule.

Well here we are the long fated day of departure, I write this from a train journeying to london where I shall begin my journey to the United States. However one might argue that this journey has been ongoing since november. After all that is when I began the application process.

This journey for me anyway really began in earnest only two days ago, after all this was when my exams were finished. Naturally they occupied a great deal of my thought process for the past few weeks. So much so that I don't entirely feel mentally prepared for this sojurn. None the less it is no time for worrying. I just hope that I don't disappoint all the wonderful people whom have believed in me throughout this process.

In light of this temporary relocation to the U.S. I shall not be engaging in written posts for a short while. Rather you shall be able to witness my presence through a visual medium. In saying this I mean naturally that I am going to be recording Vlogs throughout my journey. I am not certain how many nor indeed if they shall be in a regular pattern. Therefore I would ask that you just check every so often. I do know that I will not be engaging in more than one a week. Thus you need not check more regularly than that. This means I shall likely not be around on internet chat features hugely regularly, none the less dear friends I am going to endeavour to be there occasionally.

If you would like to know anything in particular about my journey then please feel free to either email me or comment here. I shall happily enter into discource over it.

As a final note thank you my friends for being there and thus actually making me miss the homestead. You all do help to ground me somewhat more in the physical world. Something which I am sure you will all agree is something which I need to have done every so often. I shall therefore see you in person in September.

Au revoir.

Some thoughts

It occurred to me today, I depart within two weeks. Indeed this time in a fortnight I shall be in an airplane, as you all most likely know I am heading to the United States of America this summer in order to be a lifeguard in a summer camp. However some of you might not know that although I am incredibly happy and fortunate to be able to go. I still feel some regret, after all as I have commented in the past you all have only entered my life recently, I therefore am somewhat disheartened to have to so abruptly leave your company pretty much forever. 

Therefore I shall go so far as to say my emotions are bittersweet. (my gosh I didn't think I would ever use that term) None the less once again I shall say, despite it now being painful to leave, I wouldn't trade that pain for the loss of you all. You all are the fuel for my optimism which i stuff into the face of that overriding nihilism. (Oh wow look we have a title) Thus you may not consider me while you follow the path of your life this summer. Please know I am going to be thinking of you. 

I actually have been thinking about nihilism recently. I have realised me and nihilism have an odd relationship, somewhat of a paradox some would say. As nihilism excites me in ways which I don't feel in any other means. That is nihilism is one of the few things I am truly passionate about. However when I take it to it's logical conclusions, it just makes me feel incredibly low. Which i suppose makes sense heck nihilism is a worrying concept, especially some of the ways in which one might act in a morally nihilistic world. In essecence it's why I relie so heavily on you all. You who disagree with me when I become obsessed with the concept of an oblibvion as an after life. You who remind me that there is some light left in the world. 

So dear friends my thanks. 

Please don't stop being the optimism to my nihlism.

Of Parting.

So today was the last "official" day of college. I am not entirely certain about what that means to me. On one hand I feel ready to leave and embark on some new adventures. In particular I feel that I would like to move away from the family, now don't get me wrong dear companions I love my family. Indeed in a very literal sense I wouldn't be here writing this without there intercession upon my life roughly this time last year. This raises another point of wonder for me, has this college experience been enjoyable? Well that depends on which year we were discussing. I say this because I feel that I am two different people within college. My AS year I was most definitly not the person whom I am today. Now this is in no small part due to residual issues of my life. It also factors into that I am not a naturally social creature, I also entered college with a smallish (yet establised) friendship circle therefore I didn't really expand. This was the reason for my downfall. This is because the others who joined me did not share this mentality. I therefore ended up being left alone when due to various circumstances I lost the original friends. This occured shortly into my A2 year. Now one would likely think this would mean the AS is considered pleasent and the A2 considered not so. This is not the case this is due to one small factor. I did not actually enjoy the company of my established friendship group.

Thus in October I was forced to act in a way which I pretty much never have before. I was forced to be social. This strangly revealed some things to me. I discovered I actually can do this. I will be honest I didn't expect that I would be able to. Through various circumstances I found myself within the P.E. area of college this was an odd scenario as here was an established social order. Yet here I am seven months later and today I spent the early evening with two of my closest friends. Now this is a feeling which I don't often express but I beleive I am happy with my lot. 

I think that it's needed to be said that even if this journey is ending at least the people i met will continue to join me along the road. I may not be with you in the flesh yet our spirits will be joined through the way in which our interactions have shaped each others experience of life. We may be destined for different parts of the world yet ultimately we are striving for the same destination.

Happiness may we find it together.