Reflections.

Today was something of a reflective day. Well not today rather this past hour or so. I found myself contemplating certain aspects of the future which I am normally able to keep out of my mind. Those of you who read this blog likely know what these aspects are. If not well then I have likely not been speaking to you while in a morose state of mind. However much I wish to deny it though, those aspects are creeping into my mind more often now than they have in the past. Indeed this process of Black thoughts is progressing with somewhat worrying speed. So much so that I fear for my mental well being. It's somewhat vexing that I am now almost completely absorbed with some ideas which I held not 16 months ago. These thoughts are ones which are generally regarded (by myself) as repulsive, yet they are becoming increasingly attractive.

This frankly terrifies me I am not ashamed to say that I increasingly feel that should seek some form of help for this. However -here we come to the crux of my irritation- I have left all of previous support networks behind seeking an education in a city on the opposite cost of our island home. Thus I now find myself lost in a sea of despair and isolation. In my lighter moods it is a source of almost limitless amusement (who doesn't like to laugh at their own misfortune?) After all while I built that network there was never a need to use it. Now that it is broken I am in honestly quite dire need of ways in which to escape my own feelings.

Thus I am pondering where I should go from here. I am still currently able to resist the urges which I am getting. However if memory serves correctly these things have a tendency to grow exponentially and thus one ends up being unable to resist. No matter how powerful their Will (sorry Hal) Thus as I say comes in the quandary currently I am able to utilise a combination of this here Blog as a receptacle for my catharsis. However I feel that it is likely that this will eventually not be able to contain the torrent of emotions which I feel. That is I doubt despite my quite highly polished vocabulary I will not be able to satisfactorily express that which runs through my mind. I therefore feel it is likely I should look into my university's counselling service. However I fear that it may have a price tag attached which worries me.

However I know realistically that you care not for any of what I am saying. Either you know it all ready or you don't actually know enough to fully understand my vagaries. If either of these cases describes you. I apologise wholeheartedly. I don't mean to bore you (fat chance of that if you read this you will all ready be bored) However if you know enough of what is going on to know what I mean and you haven't heard this particular aspect of my thoughts then please give me your perspective. I am really stretching my somewhat limited intellect to it's limits attempting to sort these emotions of mine out.

I am sorry for the whine fest that this post entailed. It was really being used as a form of Catharsis. I shall endeavour to think of something interesting to comment on some time later in the week for you to peruse over.